All my former partners have been jealous of my intelligence and education. It's especially offensive when you consider the fact that they are all upper middle class white guys who absolutely could have got a good education if they could be bothered, but no, they pissed their privilege away on drugs. And despite their lack of education they still earn more than me, and have parental support too. I worked my ass off during uni at part time jobs because my family has absolutely no money. I had no safety net. I did not get admired for my strength by my partners, instead I got constantly "taken down a peg" and made to look stupid in public so they could feel superior. One of my exes did this so frequently that I actually started to believe I was a total moron. It was only after I dumped him that I snapped out of it and started to have confidence in myself again.
The same ex started to get insanely jealous and angry at me over a male friend I'd had for years. Why did he start to act like this and accuse me of "emotionally cheating" so suddenly, you ask? I found out much later, after I dumped him, that it was because he had eyes for one of MY friends, and he started dating her very quickly after I dumped him. For all I know they were fooling around behind my back for ages. I don't really care either way but wow, talk about a classic case of projection. PS, she dumped him after about six months and absolutely eviscerated him on Twitter. He then moved to the other side of the country, lol.
Same ex again always tried to isolate me from my friends by being a generally depressive sad sack and saying he needed me to stay home with him. While he played goddamn video games. And I missed out on my closest friends' birthdays and fell out of touch with others. I was an idiot and he knew how to manipulate the empath in me.
LVM "friend" of mine, who had played with my heart for years, always tried to be my only object of affection - when it suited him. Whenever he was single and I was in a relationship he always wanted to know everything about who I was dating. There was definitely an element of jealousy he was trying to hide. When I broke up with the aforementioned shitty ex he slid into my DMs pretty quickly. I think he was very confused about his feelings for me but ultimately he's a loser LVM who can't get his shit together, so I ditched him. When I think about everything that went down in this context I see he was actually pretty possessive but often in a weird, detached way. Glad I gave him the flick.
Sidebar: It was very funny when aforementioned shitty ex met aforementioned "friend". Friend and I were bantering the way we always did, which in retrospect absolutely looks and sounds like flirting, and I looked over at Shitty Ex, who I forgot was even with me, and he was FUMING. He didn't say anything because we were in public but the RAGE on his face was hilarious.
Those are the main ones I can think of. I'm sure plenty more will come to me since I've only ever dated total losers
Edit: Thought of another one. I have a friend who gets codependent with me when she's single. She didn't like Shitty Ex and Shitty Ex didn't like her. They were both always telling me "you shouldn't see X anymore". But it was never for my good, it was because they were both jealous emotional vampires who didn't want to share me. I'm VERY careful not to get involved with people like this now.
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Ex bf claimed that college wasn’t for him etc. yet one day lashed out in jealousy that I was attending college and not him. He blamed it on me being white and spoiled and having the money to, but I was pulling my own loans and paying for my own apartment and everything by working my ass off. I understand that the accumulation of wealth in white families makes it easier to be a 2nd/3rd gen college student but he was SO stupid that I don’t think he could’ve even explained why he thought what he thought you know. He was always living in the past because he was popular and peaked in high school but then had no direction even though his mom said she’d help him pay for college ironically...
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When I broke things off with my ex last year, he told me I was crazy to leave someone who was “so devoted” to me (he wasn’t), treated me as well as he did (he didn’t) and that “women my age” (mid 30s) tend to “really struggle with dating”. lol. Dating has been better than ever since I left him, I’ve actually never received more interest ever in my life.
Never let some guy convince you you’re not going to find better than them. They are projecting.
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Not acknowledging the fact that I randomly sat down and played a flawless Beethoven sonata that I have spent years learning when you had no idea that I played piano in the first place but rather acting like we got to go somewhere and are gonna be late so I better stop playing that Beethoven Sonata that I spent years learning while waiting for you to put on your tennis shoes because it’s time for the gym and we’re gonna be late even though we don’t need an appointment to go to the gym and could just show up whenever the fuck we would like.
Now that’s a deal breaker. I use the piano as a test. I don’t tell dudes I play piano and if I happen upon one I will play something and If they don’t go “Wöw that’s really impressive” or at least a “I didn’t know you played piano, wow !!” because I am talented and it IS SO IMPRESSIVE THANKS I JUST SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE LEARNING THIS then they are probably a narcissist.
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Had a NVM ex who used to make me to pay for everything (I was young, naive, and a pickme) - my rent, his rent, dinner if I wanted to go out - all because he made a fraction of what I did when we graduated and because I got him his job. Then repeatedly told me my job was a joke / I was letting them take too much of my time, my hard skills were apparently debatable, and that I was “crazy” for being upset over this financial arrangement. He came from a family that had no concept of saving, so he was idiotic with his money, whereas I was able to pay off my loans (and apparently his bills too?) just by being smart. Trashcan men were left behind in 2013
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I got access to an NFL suite through work to entertain clients. I was fairly junior so the spots were hard to get. I made the mistake of excitedly telling my ex. Like someone else mentioned, I can still picture it so clearly. His whole mood darkened and the weekend was basically ruined. When pressed to tALK aBouT iT he said it was because he would have to watch our kids during the game. They are both over the age of 8 and literally the easiest kids in the world. Plus it was three months before the event, not a last-minute surprise.
I thought it was about control but reading this thread made me realize it was straight up jealousy!
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My NVM used to tell me that I only got to where I am because of privilege...I didn’t graduate college until I was 31, as a single mother who worked full time. Anytime I got a promotion or a raise it was rubbed in my face that it’s only because I’m a “privileged white female”, not because I’m a hard working college graduate. Not to mention I was only the second in my entire family (both sides) to graduate college, the first being my dad who did it in his forties also while working full time.
When I did graduate, he always put down my degree, said it was from a fake school since it was a Christian college, and said the field I studied is fake/made up/pseudoscience. I remember one day when he had me in tears. I had just graduated and he wanted me to explain everything possible about my field. I guess I didn’t explain it to his liking because he ripped into me about how stupid it was and how he has a masters degree (in something completely unrelated) and that means he knows more about my own field than I do.
Hilariously, he got a bachelors degree and masters degree, and went through school for a PhD (didn’t get one though because he left school right before graduating for some girl) and didn’t work for even a minute during that whole time, just partied the days away. He didn’t have to take out a single student loan either, and, talking about privilege, get this: his mom was an alumnus and
administrator at the huge state school he got his bachelors degree from. Also, did I mention he’s white too?
Edited to add: my “fake/made up/pseudoscience” field is frequently listed as one of the fastest growing fields in the country. I got a position in the field immediately after graduating because there was a department for it at my company, and I talked to the manager before picking a college field and she said if I got a degree, she’d hire me. Five years later she was true to her word, and I make $20k per year more now than I did when I first started at this company.
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One broke my glasses, took my phone, and threatened me with homelessness if I didn't marry him.- Wouldn't allow me to get glasses until the end of the marriage when he was done with me anyway, so I spent 4 years trapped inside. I have extremely low vision without glasses, so I can't safely go outside or do very much without assistance.
- Prevented me from getting jobs, refused to let me have any amount of money, and sabotaged my attempts to create a bank account.
- Wouldn't let me go to college or get any kind of job training.
- Would not teach me how to drive for years until he decided he was done with me. Then he made the process of learning so miserable that I stopped asking. He'd scream and swear at me, grab at the wheel, try to make me go 60 mph in a tiny parking lot with other moving cars, etc. He also refused to let me get a bus pass and obviously since I had no money, I couldn't use Uber or Lyft or anything.
Other more benign things from a variety of other men! - Would call my aspirations and determination "cute".
- Didn't take my goals seriously.
- My achievements would go unrecognized or ignored in favor of theirs.
- I've been insulted for having practical life skills. Specifically the phrase was "You're not the prettiest or smartest or most talented or accomplished girlfriend I've ever had, but you're useful."
- I've been discouraged from going to college by men and pickmes alike.
- I've been negged for my intelligence.
- I've been cheated on and disrespected and such because I wasn't reliant on my partner. Basically the justification given was that I didn't make him feel needed even though my life was a wreck so he cheated with women who did need him? Basically I interpreted that as "your self-esteem is too high and that makes me uncomfortable."
- I've also been cheated on and disrespected and abused for demanding my partner pull his weight in the relationship.
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-claimed I made a killing from my artwork that it wasn’t fair for him; somehow creating pieces was compared to the unfair grunt work he did. You know, instead of just complimenting me on having skills he’s gotta make me look less than him
-this one is for the books: so... handsome dude at work recommended a church to go to, he has a fiancé, and cooks for her and they watch (my favorite tv show) together. Well, because I text my friend (while I’m dating my bf) that this guy is cute- meaning to try to set her up with someone top notch like this guy, things get weird. Days pass and the bf is acting cold and not wanting to talk. We’re on our way to dinner while I say how said guy at work- who is engaged- cooks for his gf all the time and that I wouldn’t mind if he cooked for me again (he literally only cooked once for me). The next day I was hanging out with his Mom and he comes to visit but doesn’t want to hang out with me, go figure. He subtly brings up a girl from his high school he found on Facebook and asks his Mom, ‘oh, she’s cute isn’t she?’ And I kinda think hmm, Ok, random but cute be cute so who cares. Then he drops the bomb that he doesn’t love me anymore and is downright rude to me. I honestly believe that this LVM was jealous because I called another male cute. I even call my brothers cute.
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One of my exs was a 'car guy' who never stfu about how good a driver he was and constantly called my car shit (it's my deceased mothers car I inherited too).
At the time I was learning to drive, and he asked me genuinely to fail my first test on purpose because 'well I failed my first one because the examiner didn't like me and it was raining (or some other shitty excuse I cant remember) so cause I'm such a good driver it wouldn't be fair if
you passed first time.' When I was like 'wtf no' he KICKED OFF and nearly cried?
He also fell asleep at the wheel once and mildly crashed, also he drove drunk 'but only very small distances' - so yeah good fucking driver right there.
Also I started experimenting with fake nails and he got all sulky and said 'what if I don't like them?' and bs like that if I had them done...
He was that whole kinda guy who's like 'I prefer NATURAL girls not sl*ts,' except OF COURSE he expected me to shave. I didn't though! Think it shocked him but he still stayed with me (with the occasional dig or hint at me to shave... scrote boy - ya were shit in bed anyway, like literally straight in and out he finished quick then stopped everything)...
Long story short I left him and did pass my driving test first time. Obviously he is blocked but I was SOO tempted to send him one last text of: 'guess who just passed their driving test first time'.
Also on the case of jealousy he'd FREAK OUT if I even so much as spoke to another guy, and thanked all my friends that they'd introduced me to him, he told all my guy friends at the time: 'I'm going to marry her definitely I just know it' like a day after we met...
Pornsick freak also framed a photo of me to keep on his bedside table after our FIRST DATE and confessed that he KISSED IT GOODNIGHT after he WANKED over it!!
Creepy little fuck, but
clowny me stayed with him. Was my first bf so the red flags were too easily ignored.
Also all my exs constantly negged, like 'your makeup looks kinda bad why've you only got lipstick on' or 'what the fuck are you wearing its weird' but of course they'd freak out and say that guys were looking at me, especially if I looked 'hot' or whatever. Imo jealousy and negging/projecting are usually linked... I think a protective feeling is healthy but some boys issues really come out in their jealousy, now if anyone is slightly like that its a massive red flag to me...
Latest guy I dated couldn't handle us watching a movie with 'sexy men' in it... Lmao imagine if he was a woman and had to see butt shots and bikini models in everything but had to stfu about it or get attacked for being 'a whiny feminist' or 'chill it's just a body'.
Funny how their double fucking standards are...
Ffs I give up on most men they actually don't seem to understand a fucking thing about us.
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My ex always belittled my family’s home. He later admitted that he did this because he was bitter that my grandparents acquired a house and land despite having little resources.
My grandpa dropped out of grammar school to farm. My grandma only had a high school diploma. Meanwhile both his parents had master’s degrees. He was jealous because his family, although highly educated, still had a terrible living situation.
His older brother was the golden child so his parents always throw all their money away to help him. They spent thousands bailing his brother out of jail, they would buy him new cars when he crashed them, buy him Uber’s because they didn’t want him to take the bus, pay for food delivery because he didn’t want to go grocery shopping. Every other month he was “facing eviction” so they paid his late rent. His mom gave him her tax return and within days it was gone. He was supposed to use it for rent and child support but he didn’t tell anyone what he really did with it.
As a result of all of this, my ex’s family couldn’t afford to move out of their run down apartment. Instead of helping them set better boundaries with his brother, he took his frustration out on me by being an asshole all the time because he thought my family didn’t deserve what we had.
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Some guy that wasn't even my boyfriend:
- Invited himself to my plans because a) he was obsessed and b) he wanted to prevent me from talking with other guys
- He cockblocked me when a guy and I started talking at a party and it was obvious there was some attraction there. So he started monopolizing the conversation and he lied/misrepresented things about me to make me look bad. In general just being annoying and not self-aware.
- Asked about guys I mentioned that I found attractive. Asked what traits I found attractive so he could imitate them or act depressed around me.
- I made the mistake of saying I liked attractive guys of his nationality. Except he only heard the nationality part, and presented me with some guy with his physique asking if I found him sexy. I just repeated that no, attractive > nationality.
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Also, an ex and I were in a club and I lost him, then saw him talking to two random girls at the bar, trying to make them laugh and touching one of their arms repeatedly.
I was drunk and also pissed off so went over and started talking to all 3, he quickly stopped flirting and the girls kinda realised he was my boyfriend so chatted between themselves. In the same bar, later, I was dancing next to a guy like literally we were about a foot apart. I wasn't really engaging with him, just doing my own thing (also the club was mostly filled with men) he kinda smiled at me a few times but I didn't go near him at all.
So when we left he went mad at me for daring to do such a thing, called me all the classicTM slurs and when I called out him chatting up those girls at the bar he was like 'omg they were lesbians,' then later on he said 'oh I knew one of them she was our mutual friends girlfriend'. I'm like 'ok why didn't you introduce me then?' But of course I was being 'ridiculous' lolll.
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Pulling the plug on the goals they had because you nurtured them while they pursued it. It's like they go into freak out mode and turn the sabotage on themselves, they can't handle a perfectly good goal being overshadowed by your successes so now it's like well you're going to get the credit for making my dreams come true, nuke.
I was reading studies on why the marriage rate is dropping or being delayed (assuming it actually is) and they were saying low value men aren't just a bad prospect for women financially, they're also more likely to be abusive and tear down their partner.
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I briefly dated a guy who:
- Became irritated when I would mention a friend of mine who I hang out with regularly.
- Annoyed when I would "talk too much" about my passions that didn't involve him.
- Stopped listening to me in the middle of a conversation and became paranoid because a man across the street looked at me.
- Mocked me for my love of coaching young athletes and finding it so fulfilling. He's was sarcastically like, "Yeah. I've heard. You talk about it. A lot." (Said the guy who claimed he's looking for someone who would be a good mother to his future kids. LOL)
- Saw some old pictures of me with my ex-boyfriend from college and his demeanor suddenly changed and he started putting me down for all kinds of random/little things.
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I mentioned this in another thread but this 85 year old patient of mine was asking me to marry him, he had a million dollars and not that much time left, he needed someone to care for him, he wanted to go back to Russia before he passed and he liked my look etc. Not something unheard of in geriatric medical community. Anyway I made the mistake of sharing this with a man I was dating about it. He got so mad about and said how’s his dick game? I just thought it was funny!
Also I went on a horrible trip with him and he seemed to hate me talking to anyone else around us. And never said one nice thing or actually anything about the people that would start up conversations with me/us, he would just stand there awkwardly while I felt I had to be super charming to make up for him. He would make rude assumptions about them after they left, I defended them, he didn’t like that either.
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Had to be charming to make up for him. Been there. Here we be, women, doing the fucking most to make sure everyone feels ok.
After he asked me who’s paying for my education.
I don't feel bad for him, (he blames his mom for not tolerating more abuse!?!?!?!) but I do feel bad for the little innocent boy he used to be, as well as his poor mom.