Signs of Lying and Infidelity: RED FLAG 
Thread on detecting lies and infidelity
FDS Disciple
When my father cheated on my mother in retrospect the most visible sign was that he was tense and in a bad mood way more often and started to criticize her for everything.
FDS Newbie
Yes, this. My husband started picking fights all the time. I had no idea why he suddenly changed to being angry when he’d previously been a positive upbeat guy, for years. Suddenly fights would manifest seemingly out of nowhere. The personality change was noticeable, but I was so trusting and in love that I didn’t even consider he could be fucking his coworker while I was out of town on business. When the affair ended, his personality went back to normal. I thought I’d fixed it with communication skills. When I found their texts years later, that part of my life suddenly made sense.
FDS Newbie
This was lengthy and helpful. My ex was low value and definitely has tried to pull some of this shit. Toward the end it seemed like I was the only one trying to save the relationship. But he was done mentally and he ended the relationship. Then posted some new girl a month later on his social media.
I’m such a clown but I know better now.
FDS Apprentice
This post is incredible. Thank you, u/NecessaryCook.
"Seems to despise doing anything that will benefit you and not him" and "feels 'unappreciated' despite not doing shit" KILLED me. I will remember these whenever I happen to think of a certain NVM in the future. I cared for him, praised him, and built him up because that's how I treat my friends? My reward? Not respect, but this attitude, complaints, and complete disregard for my time, energy, and possessions I lent him. '
FDS Newbie
Conflicting explanations might be another red flag.
I have an ex who'd been chatting with his ex (when he and I were together) and waited like a year to mention they'd been communicating. I made a point of asking him, on two different occasions, why he'd waited to mention it. The first time, he said he forgot to mention it. The second time, he said he thought he'd told me they were talking.
Edit: I never did find out if he was cheating, but obviously one of his excuses was a lie, and why lie if it was just innocent conversation?
FDS Newbie
My step father said this ALL the time “I won’t even dignify that with an answer” when confronted AND “Are you done berating me?” Or “have you finished assassinating my character “ Oh and a great way to tell if your bf is cheating is they stop jabbing you in the back with their boner in the middle of the night when they want sex.
FDS Newbie
FDS Newbie
Holy shit was this detailed. Thank you for the work you put into this!! I did have to laugh though at the possibility of him getting carpal tunnel because of texting a mistress. That would be quite the way to be found out to be cheater.
FDS Disciple
I'd like to add one unless it's in there & I just missed it;
---
I’ve got two:
Calls you by another woman’s name in bed
After you snoop through his phone because you had suspicions and find him talking about his sex life with another woman, he tells you it’s just a joke and you didn’t see the rest of the thread. When you ask to see the rest of the thread to confirm his side, he deletes it
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FDS Newbie
Can someone go a little in depth as to what it means to keep your values and standards secret please? What are some examples we can say when asked “what are you looking for in a relationship?”
FDS Apprentice
Vague answers, or by prompting them first. If asked for what you are looking for, you might try:
-What do you think?
-I will know when I see it.
-Someone I click with.
Give them nothing to latch onto and use for "future-faking". If you say "a committed relationship," do you see how easy it is for him to pretend to want the same thing and then ghost after becoming intimate?
Thread on detecting lies and infidelity FDS Disciple
When my father cheated on my mother in retrospect the most visible sign was that he was tense and in a bad mood way more often and started to criticize her for everything.
FDS Newbie
Yes, this. My husband started picking fights all the time. I had no idea why he suddenly changed to being angry when he’d previously been a positive upbeat guy, for years. Suddenly fights would manifest seemingly out of nowhere. The personality change was noticeable, but I was so trusting and in love that I didn’t even consider he could be fucking his coworker while I was out of town on business. When the affair ended, his personality went back to normal. I thought I’d fixed it with communication skills. When I found their texts years later, that part of my life suddenly made sense.
FDS Newbie
This was lengthy and helpful. My ex was low value and definitely has tried to pull some of this shit. Toward the end it seemed like I was the only one trying to save the relationship. But he was done mentally and he ended the relationship. Then posted some new girl a month later on his social media.
I’m such a clown but I know better now.FDS Apprentice
This post is incredible. Thank you, u/NecessaryCook.
"Seems to despise doing anything that will benefit you and not him" and "feels 'unappreciated' despite not doing shit" KILLED me. I will remember these whenever I happen to think of a certain NVM in the future. I cared for him, praised him, and built him up because that's how I treat my friends? My reward? Not respect, but this attitude, complaints, and complete disregard for my time, energy, and possessions I lent him. '
This was my downfall as a naive university student with no relationship experience. He constantly reminded me of his struggles and his "devout" religious belief. Told me after we became friends that initially when he met me he was trying to see if I was "religious enough" compared to another girl for him to have a relationship with. I brushed so many instances of disrespect because of his social awkwardness, poor mental health, and what he said about his religious beliefs; if I had realized this, I could have cut him off within the first month instead of seven later.
FDS Newbie
Conflicting explanations might be another red flag.
I have an ex who'd been chatting with his ex (when he and I were together) and waited like a year to mention they'd been communicating. I made a point of asking him, on two different occasions, why he'd waited to mention it. The first time, he said he forgot to mention it. The second time, he said he thought he'd told me they were talking.
Edit: I never did find out if he was cheating, but obviously one of his excuses was a lie, and why lie if it was just innocent conversation?
FDS Newbie
My step father said this ALL the time “I won’t even dignify that with an answer” when confronted AND “Are you done berating me?” Or “have you finished assassinating my character “ Oh and a great way to tell if your bf is cheating is they stop jabbing you in the back with their boner in the middle of the night when they want sex.
FDS Newbie
- They start emotionally withdrawing from you (won't respond to messages, cancel dates last minute, are not emotionally present during conversations)
- They hide their phone (my ex would always bring his phone with him to the bathroom. When he placed it down on a table, it was always face down. He wouldn't let me read him his messages while he was driving, and would instead opt to text and drive. He also started keeping his phone on airplane mode, and would angle it away from me whenever he was looking at it.)
- His friends start acting weird around you. If he's the narcissistic type, he's already smearing your name and is in the process of choosing the next "you"-- AKA one of said friends. This is so that when you inevitably find out or he dumps you, you will look like the bad guy-- even though he was the one cheating.
- They change their wardrobe/hair/music taste/daily schedule. Basically any sudden change is confirmation that he's spending time with someone new... and wants to look good for them.
FDS Newbie
Holy shit was this detailed. Thank you for the work you put into this!! I did have to laugh though at the possibility of him getting carpal tunnel because of texting a mistress. That would be quite the way to be found out to be cheater.
FDS Disciple
I'd like to add one unless it's in there & I just missed it;
- Always wants to know exactly what time you're coming over or what time you'll be home if you live together. Alternately, insists on tracking each other's locations for "safety" but really just wants to know when he has to put away the porn or close out his chats.
---
I’ve got two:
Calls you by another woman’s name in bed
After you snoop through his phone because you had suspicions and find him talking about his sex life with another woman, he tells you it’s just a joke and you didn’t see the rest of the thread. When you ask to see the rest of the thread to confirm his side, he deletes it
---
FDS Newbie
Can someone go a little in depth as to what it means to keep your values and standards secret please? What are some examples we can say when asked “what are you looking for in a relationship?”
FDS Apprentice
Vague answers, or by prompting them first. If asked for what you are looking for, you might try:
-What do you think?
-I will know when I see it.
-Someone I click with.
Give them nothing to latch onto and use for "future-faking". If you say "a committed relationship," do you see how easy it is for him to pretend to want the same thing and then ghost after becoming intimate?