Poor Communication Skills: 'Ouch my ego'
- Thread starter Princess
- Start date
lol. My most recent ex claimed he was a great communicator. But whenever I tried to talk about shit he was doing that was upsetting me or that I wanted to work on he would be all "Stop talking about the past!"
Even if he did it yesterday. And one time, I shit you not, he did something that I'd been trying to deal with for forever so I brought it up. He'd done it just ten minutes ago. Convo literally went like this:
Me: I want to talk about X thing
Him: Stop talking about the past!
Me: But... it just happened... that was ten minutes ago
Him: Yeah! That's the past!
Fucking asshole. I literally felt like I was going insane. Then he said he didn't want to date someone that was "negative all the time". When I was literally just trying to get him to spend a single weekend with me (he didn't spend a full weekend with me in three fucking years) or make plans to go camping or something.
But yeah, I should be super positive and happy to be with a guy who would only have sex with me once a week, only once in that evening, stopped even having foreplay with me, stopped taking me out, never wanted to meet my friends.
Jesus Christ what the hell was wrong with me putting up with that. Worst boyfriend I've ever had. We interacted well in other ways, but as a boyfriend he was shit.
---
Mine did this too!! Since it was in the past he's "not that person anymore" so it was irrelevant to bring up and I should be over it immediately.
Strangely when I ever did anything that hurt him he'd make it CLEAR and say "You've pushed me away and this will take a LONG time to get over".
Also accused me of being negative all the time for being sad that he treated me like shit. The mind games take a massive toll. It's almost like they don't see us as human. glad you got out of that situation. You deserve so much better!
--
Holy shit. You don’t understand how much better this made me feel.... I know that sounds terrible but I went through the exact same thing with my abusive ex. He would constantly say it’s in the past and stop bringing things up you’re so negative all the time. It really fucked with my head and still does I really thought I was doing something terrible / wrong and am super negative and hard to be with / around.
To see someone else went through it too is super validating
--
Oh my god, this just happened to me last week! I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this conversation before last week so I’ve been in shock that this conversation even happened! Who talks like that?! I was trying to talk to a guy I was seeing about something that happened the day before and he kept telling me to stop talking about the past and how I don’t let anything go! That was the first time I had tried to talk to him about a problem that was bothering me and so what he was saying wasn’t even logical or true. Ahhh the ridiculousness!
---
Exes, brother, collegues... So liberating to finally expose this. I always felt trapped in a crazy house before this sub. There wasn’t even any woman to talk about this with.
My husband and I yesterday were realizing that, after the exact same experience (being raped at a very young age and going depressed and careless), I was called crazy, emotionnal and got prescribed pills very easily and sent the therapist way, while he was recommended to “ play football to evacuate all his “agressivity” “ .
Fucking bullshit. We need to send men to therapy a century ago. Time for them to learn the basics already.
---
I could never mention anything my ex did to me because "it was in the past" and "the past is the past. Let it go". If I persisted to try to speak calmly yet assertively, he'd accuse me of being "emotional". When I'd tell him that I wasn't emotional then he'd accuse me of being "hysterical" and "crazy" and "looking for a fight". He told his friends and family that I was abusive. Like Uhm.
You can literally hit me and do all sorts of unkind and cruel things to me , not apologize other than "I'm sorry you feel that way".. never let me speak and discuss on order to reach an understanding. Never let me set boundaries so that the past couldn't repeat itself ... But I'm the abusive one ?
When I spoke to him recently, (we have contact because of our son) he literally used a quote from a cartoon when I accused him of gaslighting (he does this thing where he freaks out and go off and then tries to tell me that he was speaking normal and that I started going off for no reason if I finally react..). He said "there's no such thing as gaslighting. You just say that because you're crazy". I found that it was from a cartoon and that he'd read it on a FB status from one of his boys... Like dude, you do know that's satire and that the man literally was gaslighting the woman by that sentence and that's the joke.. but he did not understand.
---
My ex posted a status after physically mentally and verbally abusing me for 2 hours and threatening to murder me and hide my body, saying “don’t talk to “me” she’s crazy” and people who I’ve never met or talked to and I know he hadn’t seen in at least a year (how long we were together) were commenting all this fucked up stuff like to throw battery acid in my face.
Somehow I’m the crazy one for being abused and telling someone about it ?????
--
When I told him I was recording my phone calls and that I'd play it back for him if he needed proof he was talking that way, he sure changed real quick. Then once I uninstalled the recording app, he tried to pull that shit again and I said I'd record calls again if he kept that up. Always stopped him and made him admit it.
They fucking know what they're doing.
--
I had ex boyfriend call crying on the phone a month after I left him about how upset he was because I had once called him a monster.
Lol. This dude strangled and sexual assaulted me, my response was to call him a monster and leave. Literally that was it on my end.
But he was hurt by my big meanie word.
---
oool I snorted. Reminds me this time I dodged a bullet. Told him not to patronise me because it isn’t nice and he said “yeah, well you’re not being nice, telling me I’m patronising. That’s not nice is it. See you always turn things on me.” I then said “that’s a childish response, I was just asking you not to patronise me” and he said “now you’re calling me a child, see, that’s isn’t nice.” Boy bye.
---
Pickmeisha
My scrote ex completely stopped his personal hygiene about a year and a half into our relationship. He would bathe maybe once a week. Started smoking. Stopped brushing his teeth.
Of course our sex life died because he smelled horrible and I was just grossed out when he touched me. When he asked why I wasn’t interested anymore I told him “I’m a little offended by your lack of hygiene. Is there something going on that we can work on to get it back on track?”
His response was “I can’t believe you think I stink and I’m dirty. You aren’t perfect either. You’re such a mean person to make fun of me. I can’t believe you’d say something like that!”
So for the next 2.5 years he’d only shower when he wanted sex. And then after we broke up and he started dating a new girl he started showering and brushing his teeth daily again.
--
Ugh! That was so my ex! Last year, three years after we broke up, he contacted me and I ended up inviting back to my country to see if we could rekindle things.
The moment when I realised that would not be possible was when he said almost exactly that, that he didn't understand why we had to go over everything that happened and that hurt my feelings during our relationship. I blocked him as soon as I could after he went back home.
--
An “ex” accused me of emotional abuse any time I tried to talk to him about something other than himself.
He never paid for a single thing in our relationship despite me bringing it up over and over again (I know, I know, disgusting)
Finally, I politely asked him if he would please pay for movie tickets for the film we were going to go see together that night and he yelled at me about how I was being abusive and he was tired of me “gaslighting him”
-
My ex: refuse to listen to me speak, talk until he wears himself out, get tired of talking and say discussion is over.
Me: responds by writing letter
My ex: "I'm saddened to hear you think I treat you poorly"
Me: [breaks up w/ him for acting disrespectful and allowing his family to breach boundaries over and over again]
My ex: "I read an article about narcissism today and YOU are the REAL narcissist!"
Me: Rolls eyes, tells him to GTFO of my apartment
--
I’ve talked to so many women who have been disrespected, insulted and even raped by their partners and they aren’t apologetic in the slightest. They just say some bs like “it was never my intention to hurt you” or “but I needed you and you weren’t there” or some variation. Seriously wtf is wrong with these men.
--
THANK YOU!!! I CONFRONTED THIS GUY ABOUT LYING TO ME FOR MONTHS. I have screenshots and everything and one day I just snapped and laid his ass out. I sent him a screenshot of every lie and excuse he told to me. Then of course, he attempted to turn it on me and called me bipolar.
Even if he did it yesterday. And one time, I shit you not, he did something that I'd been trying to deal with for forever so I brought it up. He'd done it just ten minutes ago. Convo literally went like this:
Me: I want to talk about X thing
Him: Stop talking about the past!
Me: But... it just happened... that was ten minutes ago
Him: Yeah! That's the past!
Fucking asshole. I literally felt like I was going insane. Then he said he didn't want to date someone that was "negative all the time". When I was literally just trying to get him to spend a single weekend with me (he didn't spend a full weekend with me in three fucking years) or make plans to go camping or something.
But yeah, I should be super positive and happy to be with a guy who would only have sex with me once a week, only once in that evening, stopped even having foreplay with me, stopped taking me out, never wanted to meet my friends.
Jesus Christ what the hell was wrong with me putting up with that. Worst boyfriend I've ever had. We interacted well in other ways, but as a boyfriend he was shit.
---
Mine did this too!! Since it was in the past he's "not that person anymore" so it was irrelevant to bring up and I should be over it immediately.
Strangely when I ever did anything that hurt him he'd make it CLEAR and say "You've pushed me away and this will take a LONG time to get over".
Also accused me of being negative all the time for being sad that he treated me like shit. The mind games take a massive toll. It's almost like they don't see us as human. glad you got out of that situation. You deserve so much better!
--
Holy shit. You don’t understand how much better this made me feel.... I know that sounds terrible but I went through the exact same thing with my abusive ex. He would constantly say it’s in the past and stop bringing things up you’re so negative all the time. It really fucked with my head and still does I really thought I was doing something terrible / wrong and am super negative and hard to be with / around.
To see someone else went through it too is super validating
--
Oh my god, this just happened to me last week! I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this conversation before last week so I’ve been in shock that this conversation even happened! Who talks like that?! I was trying to talk to a guy I was seeing about something that happened the day before and he kept telling me to stop talking about the past and how I don’t let anything go! That was the first time I had tried to talk to him about a problem that was bothering me and so what he was saying wasn’t even logical or true. Ahhh the ridiculousness!
---
Exes, brother, collegues... So liberating to finally expose this. I always felt trapped in a crazy house before this sub. There wasn’t even any woman to talk about this with.
My husband and I yesterday were realizing that, after the exact same experience (being raped at a very young age and going depressed and careless), I was called crazy, emotionnal and got prescribed pills very easily and sent the therapist way, while he was recommended to “ play football to evacuate all his “agressivity” “ .
Fucking bullshit. We need to send men to therapy a century ago. Time for them to learn the basics already.
---
I could never mention anything my ex did to me because "it was in the past" and "the past is the past. Let it go". If I persisted to try to speak calmly yet assertively, he'd accuse me of being "emotional". When I'd tell him that I wasn't emotional then he'd accuse me of being "hysterical" and "crazy" and "looking for a fight". He told his friends and family that I was abusive. Like Uhm.
You can literally hit me and do all sorts of unkind and cruel things to me , not apologize other than "I'm sorry you feel that way".. never let me speak and discuss on order to reach an understanding. Never let me set boundaries so that the past couldn't repeat itself ... But I'm the abusive one ?
When I spoke to him recently, (we have contact because of our son) he literally used a quote from a cartoon when I accused him of gaslighting (he does this thing where he freaks out and go off and then tries to tell me that he was speaking normal and that I started going off for no reason if I finally react..). He said "there's no such thing as gaslighting. You just say that because you're crazy". I found that it was from a cartoon and that he'd read it on a FB status from one of his boys... Like dude, you do know that's satire and that the man literally was gaslighting the woman by that sentence and that's the joke.. but he did not understand.
---
My ex posted a status after physically mentally and verbally abusing me for 2 hours and threatening to murder me and hide my body, saying “don’t talk to “me” she’s crazy” and people who I’ve never met or talked to and I know he hadn’t seen in at least a year (how long we were together) were commenting all this fucked up stuff like to throw battery acid in my face.
Somehow I’m the crazy one for being abused and telling someone about it ?????
--
I had a guy do this shit to me. I started recording all of my phone calls because he would say he didn't do this or say that. Plus, it's legal where I live for only one person to consent to the recording.
When I told him I was recording my phone calls and that I'd play it back for him if he needed proof he was talking that way, he sure changed real quick. Then once I uninstalled the recording app, he tried to pull that shit again and I said I'd record calls again if he kept that up. Always stopped him and made him admit it.
They fucking know what they're doing.
--
I had ex boyfriend call crying on the phone a month after I left him about how upset he was because I had once called him a monster.
Lol. This dude strangled and sexual assaulted me, my response was to call him a monster and leave. Literally that was it on my end.
But he was hurt by my big meanie word.
---
oool I snorted. Reminds me this time I dodged a bullet. Told him not to patronise me because it isn’t nice and he said “yeah, well you’re not being nice, telling me I’m patronising. That’s not nice is it. See you always turn things on me.” I then said “that’s a childish response, I was just asking you not to patronise me” and he said “now you’re calling me a child, see, that’s isn’t nice.” Boy bye.
---
Pickmeisha
My scrote ex completely stopped his personal hygiene about a year and a half into our relationship. He would bathe maybe once a week. Started smoking. Stopped brushing his teeth.
Of course our sex life died because he smelled horrible and I was just grossed out when he touched me. When he asked why I wasn’t interested anymore I told him “I’m a little offended by your lack of hygiene. Is there something going on that we can work on to get it back on track?”
His response was “I can’t believe you think I stink and I’m dirty. You aren’t perfect either. You’re such a mean person to make fun of me. I can’t believe you’d say something like that!”
So for the next 2.5 years he’d only shower when he wanted sex. And then after we broke up and he started dating a new girl he started showering and brushing his teeth daily again.
--
Ugh! That was so my ex! Last year, three years after we broke up, he contacted me and I ended up inviting back to my country to see if we could rekindle things.
The moment when I realised that would not be possible was when he said almost exactly that, that he didn't understand why we had to go over everything that happened and that hurt my feelings during our relationship. I blocked him as soon as I could after he went back home.
--
An “ex” accused me of emotional abuse any time I tried to talk to him about something other than himself.
He never paid for a single thing in our relationship despite me bringing it up over and over again (I know, I know, disgusting)
Finally, I politely asked him if he would please pay for movie tickets for the film we were going to go see together that night and he yelled at me about how I was being abusive and he was tired of me “gaslighting him”
-
My ex: refuse to listen to me speak, talk until he wears himself out, get tired of talking and say discussion is over.
Me: responds by writing letter
My ex: "I'm saddened to hear you think I treat you poorly"
Me: [breaks up w/ him for acting disrespectful and allowing his family to breach boundaries over and over again]
My ex: "I read an article about narcissism today and YOU are the REAL narcissist!"
Me: Rolls eyes, tells him to GTFO of my apartment
--
I’ve talked to so many women who have been disrespected, insulted and even raped by their partners and they aren’t apologetic in the slightest. They just say some bs like “it was never my intention to hurt you” or “but I needed you and you weren’t there” or some variation. Seriously wtf is wrong with these men.
--
THANK YOU!!! I CONFRONTED THIS GUY ABOUT LYING TO ME FOR MONTHS. I have screenshots and everything and one day I just snapped and laid his ass out. I sent him a screenshot of every lie and excuse he told to me. Then of course, he attempted to turn it on me and called me bipolar.