DO NOT move in with a boyfriend: On Moving in with a Boyfriend

[Princess]

DO NOT move in with a boyfriend: On Moving in with a Boyfriend

Does FDS have a stance on moving in with a boyfriend?

You bet. And you can probably guess what that stance is.

Don’t do it, sis.

Hang on, you might tell yourself. It’s the 2000s. Women have been successfully cohabitating with boyfriends for decades now. It’s not a new thing, and everyone is doing it. Anyway, how else am I supposed to find out if he’s marriage material?

Sis, let me stop you right there. The moment you move in with a boyfriend is the moment you lose leverage in the relationship. You’re giving up your independence in exchange for NO commitment from him. And, you’re setting yourself up to waste your time as a “forever girlfriend.” Here’s why you need to wait until there’s a ring on your finger before you even THINK about living with a man.

YOU’RE NOT AUDITIONING TO BE HIS WIFE. If he’s serious about you, and doesn’t want to lose you, he will propose. If he’s unsure, but wants to cohabitate anyway, he’s testing you. You don’t need to be tested, sis. You know you’re a high value woman. You know what you bring to the table in a relationship, and eventual marriage. This guy is lucky to have you in his life, and you’re sure as hell not going to audition for the role of his wife. Anyway, a “Journal of Family Psychology” study suggests that couples who feel the need to have a marriage "trial run" might already suspect their relationship is doomed to fail. Researchers found that this lack of confidence tended to carry over into the marriage, and couples who have cohabitated prior to marriage have a much higher rate of divorce. (thanks u/CuriousCatNYC777).

It’s a WASTE OF YOUR TIME to move in with a non-serious man. Many men are happy to have you be their forever live-in girlfriend without ever seriously committing to you. This is a major waste of your time and energy, to sink years of your life into a man who was never going to commit to you in the first place. Plus, consider the emotional fall out of having a serious relationship unravel. It takes time to heal yourself, make peace, and then build yourself up to date again. Don’t put yourself in boyfriend purgatory! (thanks u/thewetdog_).

YOU’RE CUTTING OFF YOUR OPTIONS. This one is obvious. Living together makes it impossible to keep your options open. By moving in with him, you’re essentially saying, “I’m romantically committed to YOU and YOU only, for the duration of this cohabitation even though we’re not married.” What the fuck is that?

YOU’RE GIVING UP YOUR PRIVACY AND INDEPENDENCE. For what? To save a few bucks on rent, and see if he cleans the toilet? Sis, come on. You’re not really going to give up your safety, security, and solitude to cohabitate with a guy just to see if he’s “the one?” It’s a risky decision: think of how unstable you would feel if the place you call home was insecure because your relationship was falling apart. You deserve peace of mind in your own home, and living with a boyfriend won’t give you that. It will likely do the opposite, when your home is tied to a man who hasn’t committed to you. Get in a fight? You might be out on the street tomorrow.

IT’S A NIGHTMARE TO MOVE OUT. Ok, so you moved in. It didn’t work out, and now you’re on your own again. Whose stuff is whose? Who gets the security deposit back? If he left the shared space, can you make rent? Do you really want to pay mover’s fees, split up the dishes, track down your socks from his LVM drawers, or deal with a damage deposit with your ex? Instead of a clean break with a guy you never lived with, now you’re texting him, asking if he’s seen your dog’s sweater collection. Meanwhile he’s on Tinder, swiping on Pickmes. Nah, sis.

YOU LOSE POWER. He’s got you right where he wants you. Your bills and rent are combined, you’ve adopted a dog together, and you cook dinner with him three nights a week. Sounds cozy, right? Except he’s not your husband. He’s just a guy sleeping next to you, sharing your Netflix account, and it’s going to be really, really hard to walk away the next time he does something unacceptable. He’s got you pinned down, and you have severely limited your leverage by combining households with him. It’s not so easy to walk away when everything is intertwined.

THE INEVITABLE RETORTS:

1. “But how do I really know a man, unless I’ve lived with him?”

You’ll never really know him, sis. You can live with a man and all is fine, you marry him, and he still turns out to be a garbage. Maybe he’s clean and takes care of the cats, but he’s abusive. Maybe you live with him happily for a year, you get married, and then he cheats on you. What did all this living together prove? Nothing. Living together for a year is NOTHING like marriage. Anyway, you can figure out a man’s cleanliness habits or your compatibility by simply spending ample time at each other’s places, or by taking a long trip together. As u/jalepenopancakes said: “I would much rather establish his commitment to me and be absolutely sure that he’s wanting marriage (while having to know slightly less about his habits) than possibly risk getting into a forever girlfriend scenario.” Or take it from u/idiosyncraticg1: “If you’ve dated for long enough, slept over at his house etc, you should have an idea of what he’s like…At a certain point in the relationship you could spend a lot of time at the guys place. Some weeks I would sleep over at my ex’s place for 4 nights in a row. That, plus travelling, would tell you everything you need to know about the guy before moving in together. Obviously there will still be surprises after the move in, but they won’t be as large and scary if you’ve spent proper time with the guy beforehand.”

And, finally, as u/luna_kuma smartly pointed out: “The truth of the matter is that: you don't know. There is no guarantee that your seemingly HVM will not one day flip the switch on you. That is why the core of FDS is to always be able to walk away.”

2. ”But what if I already live with my boyfriend?”

I hear you here, sis, and I’ve been there. In this case, it’s in your best interest to start thinking about the inevitable move out if he continues to waste your time as a forever girlfriend. Remember: a man who wants to marry you WILL PROPOSE, so don’t fall for the sunken cost fallacy. You need to have financial resources in place. Know what your housing options are in the surrounding area. And, of course, make sure he knows you don’t depend on him. Casually bring up the possibility of signing a lease with a good friend. Make it clear that you’ve got options. Talk about how it might be nice to rent a little apartment down by the river. You shouldn’t give him an ultimatum, but by making it clear you’ve got other options, he might wake up and realize his beautiful queen has the ability and desire to go her own way. If he’s afraid to lose you, he will man up and propose. Otherwise…you know what to do.

 

[Princess]

Reviews:


What about the guy who changes the second you move in together? My ex was the cleanest/most organized person I knew. He enjoyed organizing things for himself and other people. He’d even have me over for a Saturday for me to chill on his bed/eat/talk/watch movies while he excitedly reorganized his closet. He was literally so happy doing things like this (Virgo lol). Within weeks of moving in together he did a 180. Quit his job, refused to do any cleaning etc, sat on his ass playing video games all day, stopped brushing his teeth, even stopped flushing the toilet. I was of course expected to do everything whereas before he was cooking for me all the time and I never did. We’d been together for a long time before that and I’d spent tons of time at his place and him at mine. I don’t think I could have avoided that.

Reviews:

My ex also did a 180 turn. I went from the desirable girlfriend to the ball-and-chain on the FIRST NIGHT.


Reviews:

That's the exact point you start ignoring him and removing privileges sis- if he doesn't comply he doesn't value you and should be nexted. If he doesn't give a shit not much you can do except next him.

He's taking you for a fool and doesn't think you're about your word or standards...or that he's at risk of you replacing him. That's why you have to be a bitch aware of your value/ options and come down very hard on them pushing boundaries- so they fear testing your boundaries again (fear of loss/ privileges). Give as good as you get. He starts acting up? Dress up and go out, be vague on the details. When you come back and he asks why the dishes he left aren't done just say 'they're waiting for you' and go about your day ignoring any emotional attempts to get you to cave. If he doesn't start responding to that- its clear its a character issue with him (wants dominance/control) so you'll have to leave, which is why you have to vet hard and not give them an inch of room for their bullshit. If they see weakness or submission in your character- they will exploit it.

Reviews:

They make this turn when they know it’s harder for us to leave. Just signed a lease? Great, now he will fuck up. Obviously having a fuck off fund is essential, but many of us moved in with guys pre FDS and weren’t well off enough off to have one. These guys go crazy once the ink is dry.

Reviews:

Same. I moved in with a man and almost immediately he started abusing me, and actually tried to kill me. I moved back out, but it was awful and I almost didn't make it. He wasn't abusive till I moved in.

Reviews:


I'd watch SheraSevens videos as a response to that- she has some excellent tricks up her sleeve to put a boundary pushing husband back in check.

Also I'd just simply refuse to do this shit for him- let it pile up until he gets the picture...and make out you aren't anybodys fool- you will leave if he doesn't get his act together. This is not what you signed up for and you can soon sign yourself off if he doesn't help out. The pickmeisha thing to do would be sigh and cave in cleaning up for him and constantly reminding him. I'd be willing to deal with a shit tip house for a few weeks until the dog has been trained into compliance again and realised I am not going to bend to his bullshit laziness. If his hygiene is awful and he still won't sort it- refuse sex and physical intimacy. Men respond to you dropping privileges/ immediate action/ putting boundaries and punishment into place- not nagging, emotional responses and tugging on the rope. Drop the privileges, ignore his bullshit attempts to get you to cave...and watch him crawl back and get the picture. If he goes 'why haven't you done the dishes??!! omg wah wah'....reply 'they're waiting for you' or just give him a stern look like 'you know why' and continue going about your business. If he tries to start an argument, ignore him, dress up and go out. He is shit testing you to see your strength of character, whether you can give as good as you can get. Whether you're really about the FDS life.

I'd dress up all nice and go out with your girlfriends frequently after giving him a dressing down on his slobby behaviour- if he gives a shit this would make him fear competition and get his act together quick. You could even casually slip into convo how X friend is divorcing her husband due to being overwhelmed picking up after him and how it caused them so many arguments that escalated/ affected the kids. Make it known you are not tolerating this behaviour and waiting for it to build up until you crack and leave.Don't just be a submissive nagging slave in response to this behaviour (which is like admitting defeat to men), take back the reigns (make him fear losing you again) and if he doesn't comply- kick his ass to the curb. Produce the divorce papers.

The key is to NOT let this turn into an ongoing dynamic where you turn into pickmeisha bending to his whims, because once he sees that initial submission he's going to keep pushing the bar lower. If he tries to test your temperature SCOLD HIM the first time, drop the privileges and make him aware you aren't caving in to his BS if that doesn't make him fix up- make him fear you'll leave.

Reviews:



Ya, I tried all that but got tired of stepping around his shit and there was only 1 bathroom so I’d have to use the toilet. And I got tired of having to revoke privileges and all that like he was some 12 year old boy. And he didn’t care about sex any way cause he had porn so who cares! The only solution was to silently plot my way out so that he could move out and I could afford the apartment on my own (what I wanted). Suddenly he became all civil and agreed “it wasn’t working” either. Ya, like when a neighbor called the cops cause I was screaming cause he was holding the door shut and not letting me leave and was trying to shoot a gun in the living room? Ya, I guess you could call that “not working out” dude. He gladly paid half the rent for 3 more months even though he stayed somewhere else. He tried to come home a few times (“wah it’s noisy at my friends” house) but I had nowhere else to go and he did (classic abuser isolation) so I said no. Then when he moved out for real he went crazy and banged on my door for an hour, 100’s of unreturned text messages, camping outside my door, etc. I think he didn’t think I was actually gonna go through with it.

Reviews:

Was this in the US?? I feel for you women out there with the crazy lax gun laws.....men and guns cannot be trusted. For 'protection' my ass

This is why it pays to be FDS sis- vet the fuck out of them and stay single if they don't live up to their gentleman act. Glad u got outta there alive

Next time consider trying to move to a different apartment- you don't know how crazy these violent stalker loons can get once rejected. Hell hath no fury like a butthurt fragile male ego. It pays to take the extra safety precautions out here...especially if they have less to lose than you

Reviews:


It was in the U.S., but we’re not in a gun-toting state and his were supposedly unloaded, in the closest and never used. He didn’t even own bullets. It’s very unusual to have a gun here. I didn’t grow up around guns and no one I knew had one. Hardly the wild Wild West that’s portrayed on tv lol. No school shootings back then though.

I’d known him 10 years before this and he’d never brought it out/gone to a shooting range or anything. He was briefly in the military and used that as a reason for having been interested in guns at one time, he claimed that’s why he bought one in the first place, but it just sat in a locked box in the closet amongst 100 other things he never touched. The police actually took the gun and even some airsoft/paintball ones he had even though he wasn’t arrested or anything. I think the one he had was illegal/registered incorrectly or something. Turns out there was a bullet in the chamber and my ex (nor I) didn’t know that. The cop kind of hinted to me that technically he could petition to get it back, but he would never be successful lol. Luckily the cops were really on my side that night.

I couldn’t move to another apartment because everything else was 500+ more a month at the time, even within a 70 mile radius.



Reviews:


My husband and I moved in after three years. We both lived at home, and refused to live with him if he had student debt. I told him to take a bit of time, that if cohabitating for a few months was going well, I expected to get engaged. He knew this well before.

After 10 months of cohabitating we got engaged and 10 months later we were married.

Boundaries need to be in place before any premarital cohabiting is considered and discussed. “I will not share finances,” “I won’t adopt an animal,” “I will be fastidiousness with my contraception” “I will not be a common-law pretend wife after x amount of time,” and “I will expect a proposal in short order.”

In the end we have to make our own choices, and cohabitating is a big one, don’t do it soon, and as much of a headache it will be to leave, make it so it’s a clean break with NO responsibilities or attachments to your partner.



Reviews:

I've lived with two men before, one my ex husband and other my current boyfriend.
With my ex husband, we moved in after marriage. The guy who couldn't stop bragging about being a feminist and importance of sharing household labor slowly turned into a slob. I let him go.
With my current boyfriend, I needed a place to stay for a while casually due to the nature of my work. His room was fully furnished and he made more than enough space for me, but I still didn't feel ownership or in control. So I moved out a month ago.
For someone who values their independence, their taste in decoration, cleanliness and overall control in their life, cohabitating is really difficult. Also in both cases (with my ex and my current boyfriend) I noticed some common things after moving in:
They stop being excited for you, dates, things to do
They become too cozy and expect you to mother them around
They let themselves go, walking around in boxers and leaving dirty socks all over
They start taking you FOR GRANTED
Since I moved out, my boyfriend has been literally on his toes. I never have to tell him where I've been, who I've seen, what I've done, how I've spent my money. I'm my own independent person and I fully enjoy it. He's resumed his chase, that's how it should be. If he wants to be a part of my life, he is welcome to. But he has to respect my boundaries.
Now, I never want to cohabitate again and I know some ladies here have different ideas for their future. I totally respect that. Being and living together makes certain things much easier for sure. But I hope you never let the men in your life break you into something less.


Reviews:

So in that case would that mean the guy is a LVM though? If he doesn't resume the chase until you move out?

Reviews:
Not really. He was a very attentive partner even when we lived together. But now that we don't, there's an extra element of anticipation, excitement and yearning. When you start living together it's inevitable that you become more comfortable with each other and lose excitement. At least that's what happens to me. You don't hug the same person every day like you see them for the first time in weeks. It becomes usual. That's what I tried to say but chose poor words to express it.

Even though I referred to him as my boyfriend here, we're more like partners who come together to enjoy things and go home at the end of the day. That's how I wanted things to be, as I have no plans of moving in together or getting married. Nor with him, neither with any men.


Reviews:
My husband and I moved in after three years. We both lived at home, and refused to live with him if he had student debt. I told him to take a bit of time, that if cohabitating for a few months was going well, I expected to get engaged. He knew this well before.

After 10 months of cohabitating we got engaged and 10 months later we were married.

Boundaries need to be in place before any premarital cohabiting is considered and discussed. “I will not share finances,” “I won’t adopt an animal,” “I will be fastidiousness with my contraception” “I will not be a common-law pretend wife after x amount of time,” and “I will expect a proposal in short order.”

In the end we have to make our own choices, and cohabitating is a big one, don’t do it soon, and as much of a headache it will be to leave, make it so it’s a clean break with NO responsibilities or attachments to your partner.



Reviews:

Amen to this. Moved to my boyfriend’s city last year and refused to live with him. I literally lived around the corner and it was awesome.

I’m in my early/mid 20s. What do I look like giving up my independence so early for? I have my whole life to sleep next to a man who farts in a bed next to me


Reviews:

there’s this book called “The defining decade” where she talks about this in the dating portion of the book. you are more likely to not work out if you move in with someone before a ring. this psychologist actually talks about studies that were done. and the main reason is listed on here - because you’re committing without an actual commitment to marriage


Reviews:

If we’re really being honest, most (if not all) of the cons to moving in with a boyfriend are relevant to getting married as well.

Ring or no ring, married or not married, Men will become complacent, you’ll lose your independence, you’ll be stuck in a housing contract or mortgage, etc.

I don’t want this to come off cynical, and I still agree with the post, but being married is not going to provide you a safety net or sense of relief whatsoever. The risks remain.

Reviews:

Marriage is for men.

Reviews:

I agree, but the way I see it, at least with marriage if you fuck me over it’ll be financial hell to pay.

I’m not getting married unless my prenup sets me up for life if he fucks up




Reviews:
I agree, which is why women should be hypergamous and only marry for money then at least you have some kind of benefit legally. Marrying someone who makes the same or less than you is... not smart. In fact they should make 3-4x as much at least imo or else don't get married

Reviews:
YES.

This is literally how I explained to my husband why some women are “gold diggers.”

Because Men don’t bring shit else to the table.

It’s THAT simple.


Reviews:

That’s why OP notes there’s no guarantee. You have to stay HV and expect HV behavior from him even after marriage. He never stops courting you.

But when you live with him before marriage, you typically send LV message and you lose ability to gauge his intentions. Marriage is a stronger symbol of commitment and value than moving in and playing house. Many men will live with the “for now” girlfriend and then ditch her when he comes across a woman he actually sees as a wife. They often know early on if they see you as a wife and that why not pursuing you to get engaged suggests he sees you as a filler girlfriend. It’s great for him - someone cleans and cooks and splits bills and he gets regular sex all without any true commitment.

Reviews:

A friend of mine dated this LVM for six years she moved states to be with him only for him to one day say oh my intention is never to marry you. She had co-signed on a car loan, picked up his kid from school and pay the bills when he would loose his job. Yet he didn’t want commitment. Hell no, he also treated her terribly and she stayed cause she thought he’d change. Don’t ever live with a boyfriend. This shit can happen to anyone.

FDS Disciple:

I did it once and will NEVER do it again. A total waste of time. In this situation, the guy becomes complacent, negligent, and disrespectful. I provided so much value to my ex’s life while he completely took me for granted and eventually cheated on me. Moving out was sheer hell and took me months to find a new place. Ladies, don’t do it!

This post is handbook material, imo....

FDS Disciple:
This is similar to my own recent experience, and a big reason why I made this post. I moved in to HIS place, and became his wife, mother, and cheerleader, combined. When he dumped me a year later (no intention ever of committing to me), I had to scramble to find a place that would allow my pets. I'm still dealing with the trauma from that, and don't want any woman to go through it.


FDS Disciple:
Yes. It is hugely traumatic. I did so much on that house we lived in together. Then my ex moved in the whore other woman immediately and married her 5 months later. So dysfunctional

I ended up buying my own house and am safe and secure now. Even if I get married, I’m making sure the house is always mine. It’s quadrupled in value in the 5 years I’ve had it and I am never going through the hell of moving under those circumstances again!

Reviews:
God, I asked for advice on a dog subreddit as the guy I'm seeing and I are trying to determine if we're a good fit and I casually mentioned we had talked about him proposing before we moved in together and some chick came in with "well, here's the relationship advice: move in together before you get engaged"

First, I was asking about my fucking dog and how that would work with a person who doesn't have a dog.

Also WHY? What is the benefit to me for that? If I want a longer engagement, who's fucking business is that? Second, an engagement ring shows HIS INTENT. An engagement ring does not mean you've already signed the fucking marriage license. If the engagement ends due to my fault, he gets the ring back, if he cancels the engagement I keep it.

I swear some women have completely drank the kool-aid. If we don't work out living together the engagement can be ended. But yes, I would rather live alone than live with a man who has no intention to marry me.

Reviews:

I don't know why engagement is seen as such a big deal. Maybe because that's the most commitment many have had nowadays.

Reviews:

FDS Disciple
I was super pre-FDS when my relationship started (so green) so I did move in with him while he was a boyfriend, but we were in major flux with school/work at the time and it honestly helped. We lived together for like 6 months while waiting to graduate and move states (we were together for all of college and I had a diamond promise ring already by then though), then for a year with his family while we found work, during which time he proposed formally. Then I quit (depression issues at the time completely unrelated to him) and we then shortly moved in to our NYC apartment together and got married less than a year in.
I will say that the advice is sound though, one can never be too careful and building oneself up and having your own place and finances is the absolute best thing a lady can do for herself. Even though things worked out, I’m itching to hurry up and get my own career and finances back together just for the peace of mind if anything.

Reviews:

I just read this chapter of The Rules last night! If he wants to know what it's like to wake up to you every day, he needs to propose to you.
That being said, where does everyone draw the line? Will you move in with a fiance? Or will you only move in when the marriage contract is signed? I've been thinking that I'd be comfortable after accepting an proposal and setting the wedding date. From there, we can start looking at places and move in together.

Answer:

I would move in with a fiance. If there is no marriage timeline set and agreed on then walk after the first year.

I want a long engagement, anyway, so ideally I'd have a two year engagement, then marriage, then two years into marriage have children.

Answer:
In my culture, we normally have a religious and a "on paper" marriage, the first one is mainly for your family and friends to know that you're getting married, it's the party one. And the "on paper" one, you go to a lawyer's office with 3 witnesses, your parents, your future husband and his parents. You sign the paper and voila.

I wouldn't move in with him unless we make the " on paper" marriage because that's the only legal proof we'd have before the official marriage.

Reviews:
I'd move in with a fiance if (1) there was a ring AND (2) we had a wedding date set. Boyfriends are a hell no.

A:
Same: I moved out a YEAR ago and I’m just now recovering from the trauma of being forced to leave by my ex. It’s not worth it, and I love my independence. I should have never moved in with him.

A client of mine once told me, do not move in with a guy until you are engaged and there’s a ring on your finger. Otherwise, he gets all the wife benefits without the commitment. She grew up in China, and that’s the approach they take there. More conservative, but now I have first hand experience as to WHY. The amount of money I saved in rent wasn’t worth the emotional abuse, stress, and loss of independence.


A:
Same! Moving out was traumatic as fuck and I’m also still dealing with it. Never ever EVER again.

Reviews:
I only plan on moving in with a man after the wedding. Planning ahead of time, signing a lease or buying the property, and getting the majority of my belongings unpacked can be done ahead of time (like you said, after the proposal and setting a date), but I'm not giving any wifey benefits to any man who isn't my husband, and I plan on enjoying living on my own as long as possible.

Reviews:

I have had this stance for years before I even knew what FDS was, and sometimes I felt like an old fashioned prude. I let one guy live with me for two weeks before I kicked him out. I have seen countless relationships fall apart and the couple lived together, and many more countless miserable married people who decided taking the next step was easier than splitting up.

I will never live with a man before I am married. I want to create a life WITH someone, not shoehorn him into an existing space or vice versa. And women are not cars or shoes that need to be tested out before we are "bought."

Reviews:

Girl, I want to beat your ass for not posting this a year ago (but most likely my own for not realizing the truth). I moved in with my bf after graduating to "save money", and I didn't have a full time job and was too mentally unstable to budget hustling. Moving in was "easy" at first and I got used to living there comfy, but the relationship has not progressed forever when it might've been doomed from the start. Everytime I decide to leave, the housing situation motivates me to "work it out" even though I know damn well we weren't compatible. It's funny because his life has remained unchanged - work, video games, sports - while I'm left feeling bored, and unfulfilled.

I'm 24 and just recently read "The Defining Decade" and realized that "living together before marriage" doesn't actually do anything but make you a forever girlfriend. I know in my soul this man ain't gone propose - he wouldn't even know how. What the fuck did I do that for? LMAO Thank you for this post!

Brightside: Getting an apartment with my best friend soon and moving out.

A:

Hah I wish I’d written this post for myself before wasting a few years living with a LVM. The bright side is you’re getting out, you’re young, and honestly, though he may be shit, you did save some money.

Reviews:

FDS Newbie
What I did when a man proposed moving in together (into my house surgically, so that I could easily extract myself from the living situation if need be): is let him know it's not an audition. That I'm a person and not something disposable, but that we could live together for two months before we were engaged, max 9 month engagement. That way, he feels safer you're being authentic (because some people truly are crazy), and you can end the relationship in good conscience is he doesn't purpose two months after move in.
"Shit or get off the pot"

Reviews:

Funny that in my mum's generation where most people are pretty comfortable in their housing and financing no one ever moves in with their new SO. Even when they marry. If you aren't planning to have kids then why sacrifice your own space.



Reviews:

Even if you plan on marrying, the risk of divorce is much higher if you live together prior:
“On average, researchers (council on contemporary families) concluded that couples who lived together before they tied the knot saw a 33 percent higher rate of divorce than those who waited to live together until after they were married. Part of the problem was that cohabitors, studies suggested, “slid into” marriage without much consideration.”
I also read in psychology today that living together without marriage is also strongly linked to poverty.
It’s not worth it.


Reviews:
But a lot of cohabiters, usually women, automatically assume that they’ll get engaged because “it’s the next step,” when in reality they’ve tried so hard to be a “cool girlfriend” that it’s approached casually. They think it’ll “just happen.” The man they move in with isn’t even held accountable beforehand, so he drags his feet, because we let them.

So after x amount of time a gentle nudge turns into a push which results in a “shut up ring” and a “shut up wedding” and god forbid a “shut up baby” until the resentment grows and grows you’re stuck with the realization that you are living with someone who never wanted to marry you and a divorce is imminent.

You can cohabitate before marriage, but boundaries and accountability need to be in place. No sharing finances, don’t adopt an animal, for the love of god don’t have a baby.

Reviews:

FDS Apprentice
Curious to see opinions on having him move into your home instead. Since I already owned a home and saw no advantage to myself in getting married at the time and didn't want to risk the problems of a divorce, this is what I did. He can never throw me out, and has fewer rights in general. He has to contribute, because I do have the power to evict. I'm cautiously considering marrying, because things have gone well for a long time at this point.
I'd love to see an article on making a pre-nup — I have some ideas for very specific stipulations that I'd like to know how to go about, such as that if we have kids, he needs to guarantee some stuff for them upfront, and none of this quitting his job and claiming $0 income to avoid child support trickery that some men do.

Reviews:I think there are grey areas. I broke my foot and lost my job in the same week. I live 2000 miles a way from any family and he offered to let me move in and told me he would cover all the bills while I healed. I've had the time to heal and search for a professional dream job of mine and things have been going well with him.
Reviews:
Same here kinda. I moved in with my boyfriend because I'm a flight attendant that's gone half the month. I was paying rent for a place I was never at. If I wasnt traveling for work I was visiting friends and family out of town or staying at my boyfriend's. Moved in with my boyfriend to save money so I can eventually buy my own place a decision he encourages. There's a cleaning lady that comes twice a month and he cooks me a healthy dinner every night unless I decide I want us to go out to eat. It's such a sweet set up I feel like I have zero motivation to move out. But I think it helps for both of us that I'm not home every night.